A lot of you, if not all of you, are aware of my recent wrestling with whether or not to extend my stay in Chile for another semester. I was going to apologize for the lack of blog updates, but a friend of mine pointed out that really I was doing you all a favor because I literally would have been blogging about the many times I changed my mind about where to spend July-December!
I love being here so much and get homesick for this place when I think about having to leave. I'm watching the time rush by so quickly! My solution? Stay! But when I looked deeper into this choice, I saw that it was selfish...which is not of God. You see, this whole time in Chile I've kind of been running and hiding from my own culture in order to avoid the depression of culture-shock. I've totally embraced everything about this culture and rejected much of my own. Including the people - don't take it personally. I love you all dearly, this is merely a defense mechanism! Living here is a breeze. My housemate frequently compares it to a vacation, with good reason. Everything here is so chill and we have very little responsibilities.
I'm getting off track.
After realizing that my reasons to stay were selfish, I faced the truth that I would be returning home in July. Back home I have responsibilities like school and work. I also have ministry opportunities with the youth group. And I have people who love and miss me and need me in their lives. But alas, I did not feel that this decisions was right either. They were both wrong and both right and neither of them either wrong or right. What's a poor girl to do? Pray. Read the Bible. and Pray some more. Ask every breathing soul what their advice was. Pray. Journal. Read the Bible. Journal. and Pray again.
After all this seeking of God's will, I had quite the attitude adjustment. I realized how important my family is and admitted that I have failed to ever make them important in my life and am now failing even worse now that I'm in a foreign country. The same should be true of my home town and culture. Instead of running away, I need to embrace from afar. They are th ones (other than God) who got me where I am today. Also. I need to be fully trusting God. Enough to be willing to go back into a place of depression because of the culture shock. God is good all the time. I haven't been trusting in Him enough lately.
All that being said, I still couldn't get over the fact that I didn't feel right about going home. I was still questioning my own decision and it's foundations as well as not having peace about it and feeling just generally down and depressed about the whole situation. After much more prayer and advise seeking and praying I felt that I was supposed to stay in Chile.
Fear of man should never be our motivation. Rather, fear of God should dictate our every decision. I am now fully trusting in God to take care of everybody back home and to take care of me here in Chile. Now my reason for staying here is that there is something still to be learned or something still to be done that God has not made clear to me yet. I just know that to leave in July would be to leave unfinished. And now I have the deep deep joy that comes from walking in God's footsteps. I know I'm following Him and I can't wait to be used. I cannot stay here in Chile just floating along because it's a vacation. I need to be using this time to learn everything I can about myself and my God so that when I return to you (all) I have something to offer. And I am committed to staying in contact with my family, friends, and Thrive youth.
Maybe it was never about whether to stay or go. Maybe it was about the heart behind the reason to stay. Often times the journey is just as important as the end result. Thank you all for your prayers and advice in this learning process! I learned so much about myself and God through all of this.
But I may still change my mind again so don't be too shocked.........
I love being here so much and get homesick for this place when I think about having to leave. I'm watching the time rush by so quickly! My solution? Stay! But when I looked deeper into this choice, I saw that it was selfish...which is not of God. You see, this whole time in Chile I've kind of been running and hiding from my own culture in order to avoid the depression of culture-shock. I've totally embraced everything about this culture and rejected much of my own. Including the people - don't take it personally. I love you all dearly, this is merely a defense mechanism! Living here is a breeze. My housemate frequently compares it to a vacation, with good reason. Everything here is so chill and we have very little responsibilities.
I'm getting off track.
After realizing that my reasons to stay were selfish, I faced the truth that I would be returning home in July. Back home I have responsibilities like school and work. I also have ministry opportunities with the youth group. And I have people who love and miss me and need me in their lives. But alas, I did not feel that this decisions was right either. They were both wrong and both right and neither of them either wrong or right. What's a poor girl to do? Pray. Read the Bible. and Pray some more. Ask every breathing soul what their advice was. Pray. Journal. Read the Bible. Journal. and Pray again.
After all this seeking of God's will, I had quite the attitude adjustment. I realized how important my family is and admitted that I have failed to ever make them important in my life and am now failing even worse now that I'm in a foreign country. The same should be true of my home town and culture. Instead of running away, I need to embrace from afar. They are th ones (other than God) who got me where I am today. Also. I need to be fully trusting God. Enough to be willing to go back into a place of depression because of the culture shock. God is good all the time. I haven't been trusting in Him enough lately.
All that being said, I still couldn't get over the fact that I didn't feel right about going home. I was still questioning my own decision and it's foundations as well as not having peace about it and feeling just generally down and depressed about the whole situation. After much more prayer and advise seeking and praying I felt that I was supposed to stay in Chile.
Fear of man should never be our motivation. Rather, fear of God should dictate our every decision. I am now fully trusting in God to take care of everybody back home and to take care of me here in Chile. Now my reason for staying here is that there is something still to be learned or something still to be done that God has not made clear to me yet. I just know that to leave in July would be to leave unfinished. And now I have the deep deep joy that comes from walking in God's footsteps. I know I'm following Him and I can't wait to be used. I cannot stay here in Chile just floating along because it's a vacation. I need to be using this time to learn everything I can about myself and my God so that when I return to you (all) I have something to offer. And I am committed to staying in contact with my family, friends, and Thrive youth.
Maybe it was never about whether to stay or go. Maybe it was about the heart behind the reason to stay. Often times the journey is just as important as the end result. Thank you all for your prayers and advice in this learning process! I learned so much about myself and God through all of this.
But I may still change my mind again so don't be too shocked.........
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