All I need is God

I'm not gonna lie. Not being in Chile kills me. Ok, that was a lie...I am not dead. But Honestly it does hurt so bad to be here rather than there--both for the culture and my dear friends. I was reading a friend's blog who is there currently and who is taking classes (including classes with Chileans...minus the Chileans of course) and getting credit for them. Of course that makes me kick myself for leaving. I've even half planned a trip back just to visit for two months after finals in December. But then I remember something important. I'm supposed to be here in PA right now. God made that very clear to me. I can doubt and deny it all I want but it doesn't change the facts. Yes of course I could have stayed and made something work out with classes or just hopped for the best. But it would have been trying too hard to make something happen that obviously wasn't supposed to happen. Where as everything to come home fell all into place miraculously. And I'm not using that word lightly--it really was like a miracle.

Ok so...if I'm so clearly supposed to be here...why does it hurt so much? Because I'm still holding on to what I want. I might be obeying but I'm kicking and screaming and looking back over my shoulder at what I'm leaving behind instead of leaving it all in God's capable hands. I have a bad habit of doing this with the things I love most. When I finally surrender them completely to God it works so much better. No, He doesn't always give me what I want...but when I've given it up to Him I am no longer held captive by needing whatever that thing was. All I need is God. Really.

I still don't know why He wants me here or what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm sure He'll make that clear in time.