So I've pretty much failed to blog about the things I'm learning about marriage. Preparing for a wedding takes way more work than we initially thought - even if it's a simple wedding. But yesterday while I was washing my hair (I tend to do my best thinking when washing my hair), I was thinking of what I've learned so far.
1. Forgiveness is the most important thing in a marriage. This is a line straight out of the book As for Me and My House by Walter Wangerin. I've always thought of commitment as the most important thing in a marriage, but I can see how forgiveness is just as important, if not more so.
2. Marriage is a representation of Christ and the church. Just as He gave his life for her, so a husband gives his life for/to his wife. And just as believers are called to sacrifice everything and follow Christ, so a wife must sacrifice everything for her husband and follow him in healthy submission. Just as Christ will never leave the church, so neither spouse must leave the other. If one strays, the other remains faithfully waiting for the return of the lost, prodigal sheep-spouse.
3. The wedding day should be an important, memorable day, but not in such a way that causes much stress or sends a family into debt to cover the cost. Do as much as you can adequately handle and only as much as you can afford. The type of food, style of clothing, amount of decorations, and kind of flowers aren't what make the day special. The people are. We purposefully kept our wedding simple because the stress isn't worth it and it's more important to us to include a lot of people we care about than to impress a few loved ones with fancy food and decor. Although we did our best to keep our wedding simple and stress-free, I've still said over and over that I'm never EVER doing this again ;)
4. When one spouse likes whole milk and the other likes skim, agree to buy 1% because it's cheaper than 2% and more tolerable than the thickened water they call skim milk and the watery yogurt they call whole milk.
5. Take time to express your perspective and listen to the perspective of your spouse. It dissolves so many disagreements. Be interested enough to try to understand why they have the perspective they do.
6. The Beatles got it right - Money can't buy me love. Can't buy me love, no. This means that putting earning a paycheck above your relationship doesn't really work out so well. For the past two weeks, Steven and I have been working nonstop whether it's at our jobs, helping to renovate the house we're going to rent, or preparing for our wedding. We've given all of our spare time to these things that seem to need our attention right now more than our growing relationship. After only a few days of this we had a little chat and decided that we would carefully continue on this course only because there was a definite end in sight. We agreed that this lifestyle is not sustainable and that we never want to work ourselves so hard that we have nothing left at the end of the day to give to our relationship with each other. We'd rather be poor in currency and rich in love for each other and our God. Obviously sometimes paying the bills warrants more work than we may prefer, but we agree that we never want our lifestyle to demand us to work ourselves to death to afford living. We always want to make time to rest, talk, and relate to each other for the health of our relationship. A relationship has to be maintained; it never reaches a point where it no longer requires effort.
Well I've obviously never been married before so I can't guarantee that this is sound advice. But these are some of the things I've picked up along the way while I prepare to live the rest of my life with the one I love :)
1. Forgiveness is the most important thing in a marriage. This is a line straight out of the book As for Me and My House by Walter Wangerin. I've always thought of commitment as the most important thing in a marriage, but I can see how forgiveness is just as important, if not more so.
2. Marriage is a representation of Christ and the church. Just as He gave his life for her, so a husband gives his life for/to his wife. And just as believers are called to sacrifice everything and follow Christ, so a wife must sacrifice everything for her husband and follow him in healthy submission. Just as Christ will never leave the church, so neither spouse must leave the other. If one strays, the other remains faithfully waiting for the return of the lost, prodigal sheep-spouse.
3. The wedding day should be an important, memorable day, but not in such a way that causes much stress or sends a family into debt to cover the cost. Do as much as you can adequately handle and only as much as you can afford. The type of food, style of clothing, amount of decorations, and kind of flowers aren't what make the day special. The people are. We purposefully kept our wedding simple because the stress isn't worth it and it's more important to us to include a lot of people we care about than to impress a few loved ones with fancy food and decor. Although we did our best to keep our wedding simple and stress-free, I've still said over and over that I'm never EVER doing this again ;)
4. When one spouse likes whole milk and the other likes skim, agree to buy 1% because it's cheaper than 2% and more tolerable than the thickened water they call skim milk and the watery yogurt they call whole milk.
5. Take time to express your perspective and listen to the perspective of your spouse. It dissolves so many disagreements. Be interested enough to try to understand why they have the perspective they do.
6. The Beatles got it right - Money can't buy me love. Can't buy me love, no. This means that putting earning a paycheck above your relationship doesn't really work out so well. For the past two weeks, Steven and I have been working nonstop whether it's at our jobs, helping to renovate the house we're going to rent, or preparing for our wedding. We've given all of our spare time to these things that seem to need our attention right now more than our growing relationship. After only a few days of this we had a little chat and decided that we would carefully continue on this course only because there was a definite end in sight. We agreed that this lifestyle is not sustainable and that we never want to work ourselves so hard that we have nothing left at the end of the day to give to our relationship with each other. We'd rather be poor in currency and rich in love for each other and our God. Obviously sometimes paying the bills warrants more work than we may prefer, but we agree that we never want our lifestyle to demand us to work ourselves to death to afford living. We always want to make time to rest, talk, and relate to each other for the health of our relationship. A relationship has to be maintained; it never reaches a point where it no longer requires effort.
Well I've obviously never been married before so I can't guarantee that this is sound advice. But these are some of the things I've picked up along the way while I prepare to live the rest of my life with the one I love :)
Hey, Rae. Good thoughts. Your dad probably doesn't remember, but when Keith and I got to Philly for your folks' wedding, his first word to us was "Elope!" Considering the fact that we had just driven through a snowstorm, I think I growled at him. :) Now that I've helped with some weddings, I get it! :)
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