I was going to title this "I hate girls" but I decided that sounded too harsh and overgeneralized. For those of you who don't know, ¬¬ is a symbol on the keyboards in Chile that they use for a glaring/sneering emoticon. I can only use it by copying and pasting from something a Chilean friend posts. I just wanted you to be able to appreciate the title fully instead of wondering what the heck those lines were.
Anyways.
Girls. Bleh. I get so annoyed with girls. Sadly, I can't exclude myself from this group. Don't get me wrong, women are wonderful. I love that we tend to be caring and nurturing and aware of the emotions and needs of others. But I hate how petty we are. I hate that we read so much into everything and make things a big deal when they don't need to be. I hate how manipulative we can get. I even hate how sensitive and needy we are. Okay, me. I hate these things about me. And they also happen to be stereotypes about women. I prided myself on being low maintenance and not needing much from others - including my husband. Well pride goes before a fall, let me tell you. If you're a female who doesn't struggle with these things, you're a gem. Kudos. I thought I avoided these stereotypes fairly well. Then I got married.
Boys are so much easier than girls. Imagine if boys were like girls too. What a crazy world that would be. If you haven't seen this video of boys acting like girls, you should.
I hope all my children are boys because I really don't want to hate my daughters... Seriously, guys like never get upset (I realize that I'm using a lot of all or nothing statements. Exaggeration is a literary device, right?!). And when they do get upset, it takes like 3 words and 2 minutes for them to get over it. And then it's done. It doesn't come back bigger and badder the next time. If I forget to get the milk it's just "Oh, bummer. Guess we're having oatmeal for breakfast. Try to remember better next time, okay?" Instead of "How could you forget that? Don't you think about me 24/7? Why aren't you meeting my needs? You're so selfish and think only about yourself." Wow. Overreact much?
Marriage & Family Therapy 101
Be careful not to make a character judgement based on an action - you're selfish because you forgot the milk. In recent studies, making character judgments like these have been found to correlate highly with divorce. Yikes! (Btw, it was me who forgot the milk and it wasn't even an issue. I told you boys are easy!) It can be tempting to point out a thousand times that something similar has happened and judge the person's character by it. And while it's true that noticing a pattern of actions and talking about the possibility of an underlying cause can be very healthy, it's important to do this out of love, not out of anger/hurt/annoyance. And it's important to make sure that we're fully forgiving each instance and not just bringing up old wounds that we haven't fully let go of.
End of lecture.
I love being married. I love my husband. And I'm not a mean old hag - at least not all the time. Being married brings out parts of your personality that hadn't been highlighted before. Sometimes these things are good - that's when it's fun. Sometimes these things are bad - and that can be a real struggle to face. I hadn't realized how much of a stereotypical girl I am (there's a reason for the sterotype...) - demanding to be shown love the way I want it to be shown, making little issues into bigger issues, overreacting, etc.
It's important to remember that it's neither spouse's fault that this "new" character flaw exists. It's just a new situation bringing out a previously hidden personality trait. The key is to learn to live together by continually adjusting in order to better love and serve the other. When you get stuck focusing on getting your own needs met, you're only going to be disappointed. No human can meet all your needs.
And I still don't understand why women are so much more needy than men. But I'm thankful to have a patient husband who keeps loving me when I'm impossible. <3
Anyways.
Girls. Bleh. I get so annoyed with girls. Sadly, I can't exclude myself from this group. Don't get me wrong, women are wonderful. I love that we tend to be caring and nurturing and aware of the emotions and needs of others. But I hate how petty we are. I hate that we read so much into everything and make things a big deal when they don't need to be. I hate how manipulative we can get. I even hate how sensitive and needy we are. Okay, me. I hate these things about me. And they also happen to be stereotypes about women. I prided myself on being low maintenance and not needing much from others - including my husband. Well pride goes before a fall, let me tell you. If you're a female who doesn't struggle with these things, you're a gem. Kudos. I thought I avoided these stereotypes fairly well. Then I got married.
Boys are so much easier than girls. Imagine if boys were like girls too. What a crazy world that would be. If you haven't seen this video of boys acting like girls, you should.
I hope all my children are boys because I really don't want to hate my daughters... Seriously, guys like never get upset (I realize that I'm using a lot of all or nothing statements. Exaggeration is a literary device, right?!). And when they do get upset, it takes like 3 words and 2 minutes for them to get over it. And then it's done. It doesn't come back bigger and badder the next time. If I forget to get the milk it's just "Oh, bummer. Guess we're having oatmeal for breakfast. Try to remember better next time, okay?" Instead of "How could you forget that? Don't you think about me 24/7? Why aren't you meeting my needs? You're so selfish and think only about yourself." Wow. Overreact much?
Marriage & Family Therapy 101
Be careful not to make a character judgement based on an action - you're selfish because you forgot the milk. In recent studies, making character judgments like these have been found to correlate highly with divorce. Yikes! (Btw, it was me who forgot the milk and it wasn't even an issue. I told you boys are easy!) It can be tempting to point out a thousand times that something similar has happened and judge the person's character by it. And while it's true that noticing a pattern of actions and talking about the possibility of an underlying cause can be very healthy, it's important to do this out of love, not out of anger/hurt/annoyance. And it's important to make sure that we're fully forgiving each instance and not just bringing up old wounds that we haven't fully let go of.
End of lecture.
I love being married. I love my husband. And I'm not a mean old hag - at least not all the time. Being married brings out parts of your personality that hadn't been highlighted before. Sometimes these things are good - that's when it's fun. Sometimes these things are bad - and that can be a real struggle to face. I hadn't realized how much of a stereotypical girl I am (there's a reason for the sterotype...) - demanding to be shown love the way I want it to be shown, making little issues into bigger issues, overreacting, etc.
And I still don't understand why women are so much more needy than men. But I'm thankful to have a patient husband who keeps loving me when I'm impossible. <3
Wow, Rachel this was so great and so relevant to my life right now! In fact I sort of touched on some similar stuff in my last blogpost. Thanks for sharing...and I love your last line because I have one of those husbands too :)
ReplyDeleteActually I read your blog post first and then decided I could be brave enough to share what I'm struggling with too! I had half written this post a few days ago but was too scared to post it.
Deletethank you!!!! I didn't even realize that what I was doing was making "character judgments!!" man, I hate that I am so much like this but I know that it can all change as I seek to be more like Christ. That is... taking my focus off myself!!!
ReplyDeleteso true. Becoming Christ-like is definitely a process! thanks for reading :)
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