The sermon yesterday was on Joshua 24. What I got out of it can be summed up in two points:
- You have to serve somebody
- Choose what/who you believe
I've lived in a Christian bubble pretty much my whole life. Some would say that makes my mind up for me about what I believe. Some would be at least partially correct. I would probably keep going to church even if I stopped believing because the thought of nothing to do on a Sunday makes me feel anxious.
Even before the sermon, I'd been thinking about why I follow Christ.
To get to heaven?
Because life works better and feels fuller with a belief system?
To fit in with the people who happen to be around me?
Because I love God? <-- That seems like the "right" answer. But I'm not convinced that's truly why. Most days I love God because of what he does for me. Does that really count as love?
I heard John Piper speak at the Passion conference in 2011. He talked about the need for God to be at the bottom of everything we do. When we peel back all the layers of why we're doing something, what is the underlying reason? It should be God.
But I'm pretty sure that in my life, it's me.
So I guess that means I'm serving myself. Crap.
I'd like to say that the fact that I'm asking these questions means I'm headed in the right direction. While that's partially true, it's also a cop out that will keep me from doing anything with these questions.
So instead, lets just sit here with the uncomfortable, awkward fact that while I claim to be a "Christ follower," I'm actually following myself.
...ouch...
No wonder I've been feeling like I'm missing life's purpose. Life is pretty pointless when it's all about ourselves.
So now begins the search to figure out how to put God on the bottom of all my reasons why. I don't really know how to go about it, but I'm guessing my main tool with be prayer. Perhaps it's a cognitive thing? Change my thoughts to change my actions and beliefs? I'm not sure, but since I have no other ideas, I guess I'll start here and see what happens.
So. I wrote this blog post...
- to explore my thoughts
- and share them with others
- to get praise and positive feedback to boost my ego
- so that God could work in me and through me
- for His honor and glory
- which, in the end, will make me feel more fulfilled than writing for my own ego would anyway
- because God.
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