Ten Reasons why Parents of Toddlers are Always Late

1. You have to dump all the letter magnets out of your shoes before you put them on.

 2. You look away for two seconds to make sure you brushed the broccoli out of your teeth and your toddler gives herself a swirly. Bath? Or just a change of clothes? Depends how long it's been since the toilet was cleaned.

3. They dirty their diapers and need to be changed just as you were loading up the car. Getting out the door makes me strain a little too...

4. You have to tear your whole house apart searching for where she hid your cell phone. Which is impossible to find when it's on silent. Which is on silent so that it doesn't wake her up during nap time.

5. You're finally washed and dressed and looking good when that irresistible, tiny person runs up to you with her runny nose, crummy face, dirty hands and wants to snuggle for a minute. If you keep your coat on, people might not notice the love stains on your shoulders...

6. You get a mile down the road and realize you forgot to bring the paci. Or the blankey. Or a snack. Or enough diapers for the day. Can you survive without it? Probably not. Back you go!

7. Back in the car - She dropped her doll on the floor just out of your Elasta-girl arm's reach and her world has fallen apart because of it. Your options: lose your mind listening to the high-pitched screams the whole way there or lose 4 minutes when you pull over and retrieve said doll. Again. and Again.

8. She wouldn't be a "toddler" if she didn't insist on toddling. The shortest distance from the car to the building still takes 38 times longer when you're walking on legs the length of a pencil.

9. Dropping the baby off at the babysitters or in the nursery never goes as smoothly (or quickly!) as you envision it. "Mommy just needs one last kiss, Peanut!"

10. After dropping off the baby, you have to stop in the bathroom to check your hair because you realized you haven't even looked at it yet today.


But I wouldn't have it any other way. That's a lie. I would get rid of dirty diapers and car seat screaming faster than a monkey would down a banana. (Are monkey's fast eaters? I hope so.)