For his birthday this year, Husband has requested a whole day for the two of us to spend time thinking, praying, and making goals for ourselves and our family over the next several years (anyone want to babysit?).
Last year he asked for a laser tag party.
He's turning 30 this year, so maybe he thought he should choose something more mature. ;)
We're not dreamers so this makes me feel a little sweaty. While I like planning, I don't like feeling tied down to one specific plan - unless I know it is a really good plan.
In church this week there was time to reflect and chat with God. I started out the conversation with my usual apology for not remembering to dialog with Him through the day. Then I figured I'd just continue with confession and I started on my list of grievances. It wasn't long before I got to the big one that's been standing in my way for a long time - unwillingness to trust Him with my life. I keep trying to keep myself safe with good financial decisions, attentiveness to my family's diet and sleep habits, protecting our family time while maintaining relationships with friends and making time to serve others, etc. Good things! But things I do on my own because I know studies have shown it's good for us. Not things I do because God has told me it's good for us.
In 2011 when I came home from studying abroad, I was preaching a message of trusting God. Dios ya sabe. God already knows. I had learned this and applied it to my life and wanted everyone to know the freedom that I felt in trusting God. It lasted for quite a while.
As I sat in the church pew, trying to have a conversation with God while keeping my two-year-old from fussing and fidgeting, I wondered when I stopped trusting God. It seemed to happen gradually as I gained more earthly things that I wanted to protect. We'd gone through the motions of giving our marriage, our kids, our house, etc. to Him to hold - but had my heart really let go? I don't think it has.
I've always had a deep fear of losing someone I love and depend on. When I was a kid, I hated to let my mom out of my sight because I was convinced she'd die in a tragic accident. God knows about that fear because I beg him daily to keep my husband safe and return him to me at the end of the work day.
My head knows that I'm safest in God's arms and walking through His plan for my life here on earth. But my heart gets so attached to the things He's given me.
Taking a day to pray and make goals for our lives excites me because I know that we're never going to feel fulfilled while we're trying to protect ourselves and our earthly assets. But it terrifies me because I know God asks people to do crazy things - things that don't feel safe or wise or comfortable. I feel excited because I want to hear a specific calling from God that I have confidence in following. But I'm nervous because we've tried this before and haven't been successful in hearing clearly from God. Last year we were finally able to set some goals (see below), and I'm surprised by the way some of them were accomplished. I'm also disappointed in myself for not being intentional about keeping them in the forefront of my thoughts and prayers throughout the year. Thank goodness God doesn't need me to be attentive to get things accomplished!
- Sense of career path (committed to current career or plan for switching)
- Personal development (family hospitality, praying together, productive family fun, church stuff)
My hope is that by sharing this with you, I am held accountable to seeking His guidance and trusting Him with my life.
Last year he asked for a laser tag party.
He's turning 30 this year, so maybe he thought he should choose something more mature. ;)
We're not dreamers so this makes me feel a little sweaty. While I like planning, I don't like feeling tied down to one specific plan - unless I know it is a really good plan.
In church this week there was time to reflect and chat with God. I started out the conversation with my usual apology for not remembering to dialog with Him through the day. Then I figured I'd just continue with confession and I started on my list of grievances. It wasn't long before I got to the big one that's been standing in my way for a long time - unwillingness to trust Him with my life. I keep trying to keep myself safe with good financial decisions, attentiveness to my family's diet and sleep habits, protecting our family time while maintaining relationships with friends and making time to serve others, etc. Good things! But things I do on my own because I know studies have shown it's good for us. Not things I do because God has told me it's good for us.
In 2011 when I came home from studying abroad, I was preaching a message of trusting God. Dios ya sabe. God already knows. I had learned this and applied it to my life and wanted everyone to know the freedom that I felt in trusting God. It lasted for quite a while.
As I sat in the church pew, trying to have a conversation with God while keeping my two-year-old from fussing and fidgeting, I wondered when I stopped trusting God. It seemed to happen gradually as I gained more earthly things that I wanted to protect. We'd gone through the motions of giving our marriage, our kids, our house, etc. to Him to hold - but had my heart really let go? I don't think it has.
I've always had a deep fear of losing someone I love and depend on. When I was a kid, I hated to let my mom out of my sight because I was convinced she'd die in a tragic accident. God knows about that fear because I beg him daily to keep my husband safe and return him to me at the end of the work day.
My head knows that I'm safest in God's arms and walking through His plan for my life here on earth. But my heart gets so attached to the things He's given me.
Taking a day to pray and make goals for our lives excites me because I know that we're never going to feel fulfilled while we're trying to protect ourselves and our earthly assets. But it terrifies me because I know God asks people to do crazy things - things that don't feel safe or wise or comfortable. I feel excited because I want to hear a specific calling from God that I have confidence in following. But I'm nervous because we've tried this before and haven't been successful in hearing clearly from God. Last year we were finally able to set some goals (see below), and I'm surprised by the way some of them were accomplished. I'm also disappointed in myself for not being intentional about keeping them in the forefront of my thoughts and prayers throughout the year. Thank goodness God doesn't need me to be attentive to get things accomplished!
2016 Goals:
- To be at peace with housing (we'd been considering buying a house but never felt like it was right to leave our sweet rental set up)- Sense of career path (committed to current career or plan for switching)
- Personal development (family hospitality, praying together, productive family fun, church stuff)
My hope is that by sharing this with you, I am held accountable to seeking His guidance and trusting Him with my life.
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