Please Don't Tell My Daughter She's Beautiful (not a feminist post)

"Mommy! Make my face beautiful!"

This is a demand, often made with a frustrated whine or exasperated tears, that I was continually hearing from my THREE-year-old on a regular basis. 

#threenager

My responses varied and often included:

Your face is already beautiful. 

I can't, Jesus already did.
Do you mean, "Mama will you do my hair?"

Or simply silent acquiescence

Thankfully, these particular words have stopped. But here are a few more recent conversations we've had:

"Mommy! Do you think   (any person's name here)   will like this shirt?"

I don't know, do YOU like that shirt? Is it appropriate for today's weather and activities?

"Can you do a double braid?"
*styles hair with pigtail braids*
"No!! Not like that!!" (accompanied by loud cries and tears and the ripping out of pigtail braids)

--

You can imagine my surprise at my tiny daughter already being fashion obsessed by three, when the most I can bother to do is shower regularly (except for last week in which I somehow only showered twice??). My girl is all about her accessories. She rarely forgets to grab her sunglasses, her hair is almost always styled (often with multiple clips, ponies, or braids), and she wears her pretend earrings on the regular.

How, when, and why did this focus on [outer] beauty start?!

This mama uses (and owns) zero make up. 

I brush my hair maybe once a month (someone once told me that brushing causes split ends. i needed no more convincing than that to cut this chore out of my routine). 

My wardrobe can be described in three words: function over fashion. that or: free is key.

Jewelry for me consists of my engagement ring and wedding band, the occasional (every 3 years or so) earrings, and a hair band bracelet.
I think it's safe to say my girl's fashion awareness did not come from me!

Books are her main source of media, but so far the only princess story she's read is The Princess and the Pea. So she must be getting this from observing other people and from her own deep desires.

The first thing people say to her is often something about how she looks - which makes sense because the girl does make an impression! Of course I want her to feel beautiful. But I can't help but cringe inside when her obsession with her looks is reinforced by comments and compliments.

We've had many conversations about what makes someone truly beautiful - love, kindness, patience, obedience! I don't think she's buying it. Okay, how about self-confidence, humor, a smile?

Sigh. We'll keep working on it.