Burdened by my Blessed Life

Hanging out with my besties

I love these kids. I love walking around our town together. This selfie was from our walk yesterday, during which we spotted Gramma picking up a Craigslist freebie and scored a free checker board for ourselves!

This week has kicked my butt--a  sleepless (but fantastic and family-filled) weekend away, passing colds around, and leading a tribe of 12+ kiddos through Babylon at VBS each night--but after the realization that being together is not a given, my patience reserves go deeper than ever. We are exhausted; but we are full, and we are together.

These little loves may be interrupting, whining about things that seem inconsequential to me, and taking 2 hours to fall asleep each night, but instead of trying to stifle my frustration and annoyance, I feel a deep sense of gratitude that I'm the one hearing and responding to their (many, many, many) needs. Never before have I considered it a luxury to witness their tantrums.

"In a world ever changing, there are times when we feel alone
But in this world, God is with us. He's in our lives wherever we go

And we will not be afraid. For God is with us all the way
We will stand firm and strong. And this will be our song:
Through it all, God is faithful
Through it all, our God is true
He never fails, never changes 

When we rise or when we fall, God is with us, with us through it all"

Those are the lyrics to the theme song for VBS this year. I could not get through it without tearing up each night, because is God with those terrified children in the "tender age shelters?" Is he with the parents who are so heartbroken they want to die?

"There are those times when nothing goes right
It feels like everything is wrong
But I will hold on to Your promise
'Cause I know you, God you'll see me through
It's a good thing that hey-ay, you're only a prayer away-ay

I'll just call your na-ame

You will be right there, be right there, for me

Oh-oh this one thing I know-oh

You are in contro-ol

I can count on you, count on you, always

Those are more lyrics to another song we sang this week that had me wondering in what ways these separated families are seeing God work. I have to believe that He is with them and answering their prayers, and mine. I spent a lot of this week heart-broken and crying to God with so many questions and demands on behalf of those families. Now, at the end of the week, I am starting to accept that even though I don't see Him working and it feels like there's nothing He can do, He is there. This, even this, is a small problem (that grieves His heart greatly) that He can (and will) redeem (someday).

It's funny how opening your heart to one problem makes you notice all the other ones too. It's not just the families separated at the border that are hurting. It's also the ones who stayed behind in the poverty and persecution. It's the little girl in my tribe this week that came to VBS without shoes on. It's my neighbor who is fighting her own daughter on behalf of her grand kids. It's the kids in Iraq to whom we are sending groceries for our VBS offering project. It's the people of color in our country who can't ever relax because they don't know when someone is going to misinterpret their actions just because of the color of their skin. And more, so many more. Everything is so broken (golly, I sound like an old geezer).

Seeing all this brokenness with fresh eyes this week, also has me seeing my blessings with new eyes. We. are. so. dang. rich. We feel safe. We have social connections bubbling over. We have healthy kids, a loving marriage, and a supportive family. We have employment opportunities and back up employment opportunities. We have received and continue to have access to education. We have enough money that we don't need to hesitate to give when there is need (although I probably always will anyways because #miserLife).

I used to think that what you had in life was a direct result of the choices you made. That would be nice, because then we could control how our lives play out. I'm learning that we have a lot less control than we are comfortable admitting. I'm learning that where we are in life (whether good or bad) is rarely because of anything we've done on our own.

I'm grateful for my blessed life. This week, I'm burdened and confused by it too. "Every good and perfect gift is from above," but some people have many more good and perfect gifts than others. There are many who love and obey Jesus but still lack these gifts. There are many who don't know Jesus, but still have these gifts. I want to praise God for what he's done in my life, but I don't want people to assume that God will do the same in their lives. "For who can know the LORD's thoughts? Who knows enough to give him advice?"