Granola

Homemade bread (with jam)

Coffee

Homemade applesauce

These are the foods I am currently craving and providing for my hungry children. It's my quiet way of clinging to my Grammy and Gramps even as they slip slowly away from this earth. 

I include my children in making the granola as often as I can and do my best not to scold when they spill or overpour. I remember being small and having clumsy hands. I remember how my heart stopped and body tightened as I wished to become invisible and braced myself for the exasperation and disappointment over another mess. It was enough to keep me out of the kitchen. But not Grammy's kitchen. When I spilled in Grammy's kitchen, it was greeted with a quick "that's alright! don't worry! it cleans up fast."

Why are mothers (including myself) so stuck on messes and waste but Grandmothers so good at looking past those things?

As I make the granola, I notice the separation of wet and dry ingredients. I hear Grammy asking Gramps, "Would you come help?" She does the wet, he does the dry. It's not because the dry ingredients are too difficult for her, it's because they want to stay connected. I remember wondering why Grammy didn't just peel her own potatoes instead of rousing Gramps from his crossword puzzle or volunteer secretary work. Now I see the wisdom of a habit of inviting each other to do things together. And I can't wait to ask my husband for help I don't even know I need.