I got a lot of positive feedback from my last blog post about hating girls so I figured I'd give it another go-around, this time from a different angle. Please be advised this post may only be remotely interesting to people who are, have been, or are planning on being pregnant at some point.
Keep in mind that whatever I say from here on out, I am actually enjoying being pregnant. It's a wonderful blessing that not everyone (including about 50% of the world population - i.e. males) gets to experience. I've really enjoyed being hyper in tune with my body and having the best excuse ever for doing what I feel is healthy for me - whether it's sleeping 14 hours a day or eating chicken nuggets for breakfast. I'm a care-giver at heart and I'm enjoying finding ways to already start caring for this precious littleparasite life growing inside of me.
However.
I also struggle with the whole ordeal for lots of "girly" reasons. and I hate that. "When did you get so insecure?" my wonderfully supportive husband asked me one day as I was inspecting my thickening thighs and sickening stretch marks (which are not 'beauty marks' or 'earned tiger stripes' no matter how many pregnancy magazines try to tell you they are). At first I wanted to smack him. You try having your body invaded by an alien life form, not being able to control it anymore, and having it completely change how you look and feel! But then I realized that he was totally right. Being insecure about my new body that I don't recognize or feel comfortable in is not going to help me feel better or be more attractive. And outward appearances are not what matter anyways. And I know I'm not even over-weight or ugly! I'm just over the weight I used to be...which I knew was part of the deal when I agreed to sign up for it. So instead of smacking him and saying "YOU DID THIS TO ME!!" I say: Thank you, Steven, for putting me back in my place and helping me to re-focus on what truly matters instead of a bunch of superficial crap that my girly, hormonal side likes to distract me with.
I'm trying to imagine what a pregnant guy would think about the changes in his body, but that's such a foreign concept that I can't come up with anything good. And I can't decide if that mental image is hilarious or disgusting. According to my social psychology class, girls look in the mirror and see things they want to fix/change while guys look in the mirror and see things they like about themselves. I always thought I was pretty good at having a balanced opinion about the way I look. Now the truth comes out.
I tell my clients at the pregnancy center that growing a human being is a miracle and a precious gift to both mother and baby - let alone future generations and society in general! But then I go home and allow the fact that it's giving me stretch marks and thicker thighs to upset me and distort the truth of this time in life. It's not about looking as cute as the rest of my pregnant friends or keeping up with Kate Middleton and any other celebrity that makes it look so glamorous. It's about allowing God to knit someone together in my womb (what a funny word. I don't think I'm a fan of it. Say it 10 times and tell me you don't agree!). I hear that the postpartum body is even more of a beast to accept so you can pray that I learn my lesson in these next few months and stop comparing myself to others and getting my self-worth from what I look like.
Other things Ihate don't enjoy about pregnancy:
Keep in mind that whatever I say from here on out, I am actually enjoying being pregnant. It's a wonderful blessing that not everyone (including about 50% of the world population - i.e. males) gets to experience. I've really enjoyed being hyper in tune with my body and having the best excuse ever for doing what I feel is healthy for me - whether it's sleeping 14 hours a day or eating chicken nuggets for breakfast. I'm a care-giver at heart and I'm enjoying finding ways to already start caring for this precious little
However.
I also struggle with the whole ordeal for lots of "girly" reasons. and I hate that. "When did you get so insecure?" my wonderfully supportive husband asked me one day as I was inspecting my thickening thighs and sickening stretch marks (which are not 'beauty marks' or 'earned tiger stripes' no matter how many pregnancy magazines try to tell you they are). At first I wanted to smack him. You try having your body invaded by an alien life form, not being able to control it anymore, and having it completely change how you look and feel! But then I realized that he was totally right. Being insecure about my new body that I don't recognize or feel comfortable in is not going to help me feel better or be more attractive. And outward appearances are not what matter anyways. And I know I'm not even over-weight or ugly! I'm just over the weight I used to be...which I knew was part of the deal when I agreed to sign up for it. So instead of smacking him and saying "YOU DID THIS TO ME!!" I say: Thank you, Steven, for putting me back in my place and helping me to re-focus on what truly matters instead of a bunch of superficial crap that my girly, hormonal side likes to distract me with.
I'm trying to imagine what a pregnant guy would think about the changes in his body, but that's such a foreign concept that I can't come up with anything good. And I can't decide if that mental image is hilarious or disgusting. According to my social psychology class, girls look in the mirror and see things they want to fix/change while guys look in the mirror and see things they like about themselves. I always thought I was pretty good at having a balanced opinion about the way I look. Now the truth comes out.
I tell my clients at the pregnancy center that growing a human being is a miracle and a precious gift to both mother and baby - let alone future generations and society in general! But then I go home and allow the fact that it's giving me stretch marks and thicker thighs to upset me and distort the truth of this time in life. It's not about looking as cute as the rest of my pregnant friends or keeping up with Kate Middleton and any other celebrity that makes it look so glamorous. It's about allowing God to knit someone together in my womb (what a funny word. I don't think I'm a fan of it. Say it 10 times and tell me you don't agree!). I hear that the postpartum body is even more of a beast to accept so you can pray that I learn my lesson in these next few months and stop comparing myself to others and getting my self-worth from what I look like.
Other things I
- Having to buy a new wardrobe - but I'm going to keep wearing the stretchy pants forever! so comfy!
- Prenatal vitamins taste so bad - def dishing out the $$ for the gummy ones next time around!
- Steven and I won't fit to spoon on the couch much longer
- My belly feels like it's going to fall off when I lay on my side
- Sleeping on your side is the only acceptable position - should consider buying this
- I've mentioned this before but I still hate having to go to the bathroom 10 times a day (not an exaggeration) and not being able to stand up to relieve my bladder. Guys have it so much easier.
Womb is a really weird word haha.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing what you're going through...I feel encouraged and I'm not even pregnant! :)
xo